All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…

We take time out of our regualarly scheduled programming to you bring you Whine Fest 2005. Now I know I’ve been whining a lot latley, but mostly about work and the sucky Vikings (who didn’t entirely suck this weekend! And better yet, they didn’t suck this weekend against Green Bay) ANYWAY, I am having a personal problem and I need to cry about it.

I waited all this time for this?

I guess I have pretty decent genes. Good teeth genes specifically. Never had to have braces, they just kind grew in nice and straight. I had two wonky wisdom teeth, but they were easily taken care of with some minor oral surgery. My problem was, that as a young child, I was sick. A lot. And because of this I ingested a pharmacy’s share of medications. One of which stained my permanent teeth so that when they finally grew in…they were discolored (I say finally because the baby version of one front tooth was extracted from my mouth by a tree log at much too early of an age and it took forevah to grow in) They were kinda freckled… like my face at that age. I guess they just wanted to fit in or something. So to save me from a life of second glances and random, possibly hurtful comments, my parents had them fixed with bonding when I was 12. It’s like a painted plastic coating on the front of the tooth. Thing is, bonding isn’t a permanent solution, the shelf-life being around 10 years. Well age 22 came and went and as it went…so did the teeth. Well not immediately, it was a slow progression. And, it’s not like they disintegrated or anything (but maybe if they had I could have had insurance cover their replacement), but they yellowed, like you can imagine 10 year old plastic would do. I looked like a heavy smoker, or a smoker that only inhaled through her two front teeth, as the rest of teeth were pretty white. The only solution to fix the problem is porcelain veneers. Pricey, pricey porcelain veneers. So it was last month that I decided I could (kinda sorta) afford to fix the suckers (you know, if I stopped eating brand-name cereal, gave-up Starbucks, chiseled out a chunk of the nest egg, started eating Ramen for dinner, etc, etc).

My first appointment was today. Impressions, recontouring my gum line and temporary veneers. Ack! The temporary veneers are huge! I feel like I have big horse teeth…but not like Hilary Duff because it’s just the two, if I had more veneers I would so be her. The others are all cute and small and here are Howdy and Doody of the tooth world hanging out in my mouth. So maybe they are more like rat teeth? I don’t want a big-toothed rat smile! I have a follow-up next week for my dentist and I to go over any issues I have before final version. But, damn…is he going to be able to fix it? Is it going to cost me more money? Will I have to get more of the gum line recontoured so that the incisors don’t look so tiny? If so, ouchie!!! That shit hurts. Hurts my mouth and my pocketbook. Waaa! I didn’t sign up for this, I want white, healthy teeth. That’s all. Not rat face.

[Sigh]

[Bigger sigh]