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At a loss

April 3, 2010

It’s my mom’s birthday today. I am at a loss at what to do, what to say, what to think…hell, even what to feel. Birthdays are a big deal in my family. You don’t miss them, you don’t forget them, there is always cake and a special dinner and  presents — sometimes wrapped and sometimes not, but presents nonetheless. So it’s been weird. I would usually have been stressing these past two weeks over the perfect dinner, one that would not upset her sensitive system, and still be healthful and full of good-for-you things, but yet super tasty and liked by the rest of my family too. I would be pulling out my hair over finding a gift for the hardest person Ive ever shopped for and eventually finding something only to second guess its appropriateness the morning before giving it to her. Instead of doing those things, I am just thinking about how I am not doing those things. And when I let my mind even approach grasping the why of that, it makes me really, really sad.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Clussy permalink
    April 26, 2010 9:26 am

    I forgot to give you a birthday hug for your Mama that weekend. I’m sorry for that but I did mentally hug you lots. ❤ you.

  2. Buggie permalink
    May 14, 2010 1:40 pm

    You are thinking of her and loving her. That is a great birthday present. The summer BBQ we have is in honor of my father and brother’s birthdays.

    Think of her with you today. Remember everything and let it be happy, and let it be sad. Hold her close today. love you so much!

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