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The seal has been broken

August 16, 2007

The seal was not just broken, but completely shattered the other night. Now I just have to wonder why exactly. I mean when it all went down I didn’t really have a thought in my head. Well, I suppose that’s a lie. I had so many thoughts up in there

 

workbirthdaypartytravelbeingshittytopeopleIlovetravelgodhowmanyflightsis
thatexactlyfiveconferencesinjusoverthreemonthsnottomentionthethreeothermeetings
cubsfangodandtripstochicagoshouldIstayathisplaceamIreallybeingadultaboutthis
mymompleasebeokandmysister’sweddingplansthetearswtfmoneymoneymoney
dirtrunningsleep

that is was more like white noise than an actual void. The flood started as a trickle, I suppose as most floods do. At work, feeling overwhelmed, being semi-shitty to a friend, feeling bad about asking for a favor here and there…and thar she blows. A spill over, a few small streams down the cheeks but easily contained when I stop to actually think about the frivolousness of them.

Then, on the Metro, a small wave that gradually builds until I can barely get through a phone call to Mom — my voice quivers so much I have to fess up, she can hear it for god’s sake. But for now, I feel better but oh so tired, like only tears can make you. Afraid of lying there awake for too long, alone with my thoughts, I lie in bed and read for too long instead. With heavy eyelids, I turn off the light only to feel the wave come again. This time stronger, crashing and overwhelming. And all I can think is “why?”.

Now don’t go getting all concerned, I am fine. Really.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. August 16, 2007 3:25 pm

    Right.

    Reading that I am so not concerned.

    I ♥ you!

  2. August 16, 2007 3:49 pm

    Mish, you are usually a tougher cookie than I am about letting all the accumulated stress/thoughts/pressure/exhaustion out than I am, so in that regard, just let yourself let it loose? Did that makes sense? When’s your next vacation?

    I-66, can you please tell me how to put a heart in MY comments to Mish?

  3. August 16, 2007 4:24 pm

    A good cry can make all the difference in breaking up all that noise. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  4. August 16, 2007 4:41 pm

    I’m sorry. But I hope it helped a little? I can cry with you if you need it. No problem at all.

  5. August 16, 2007 8:58 pm

    Fuck it, I’m coming down….

  6. Harms permalink
    August 17, 2007 11:23 am

    Love you!!! Good for you for letting go, crying and feeling it!! You know I am all about that fun stuff!!! I know two little people that would love to help you relax and have fun at the same time 🙂

  7. August 21, 2007 3:10 pm

    ='( I wake up in panics of ‘where am i?” and “huh? I’m alone?” and “shit, it’s daytime. Time to deal with life”

    Not always a fun way to awaken. That is, if I even get to sleep.

    I feel your pain. Truly, I know it.

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