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Mmm, yeah…right there

March 6, 2007

It’s a sad state of affairs when the only action you are getting these days is from your seamstress.

I’ve never had to get a dress taken in around the boobular region before, I just tend to…ahem…fill out that area naturally.  But I have this little black Laundry dress that was a must-purchase even though it didn’t quite fit properly ($35 on the sale rack at Loehmann’s, I KNOW!) .  I didn’t know what was wrong with the fit exactly, other than something just seemed off. So I brought it to my seamstress (i.e. the dry cleaning lady across the street from my office) and asked her to look at it (on me) and fix it.  Taking half a glance at me she starts to tug around my chest and says:

Too big in chest, I take in. 1/2 inch. No, 1 inch. Each side.”

What? I am too small up top for this dress that fits me perfectly every where else?  I don’t get it.  This never happens.  Sometimes things don’t work on my hips or if they do then the waist is too big or I am too short and I need inches and inches hemmed off the bottom…but I’ve never not filled out the chest area! I tried to argue with her.  She replies by tugging and cupping and pulling and pinching while muttering, “Too big. Take in.”.

So that’s that. She’s taking it in. And I got felt up in the process.
(Which is the most action I’ve seen in nearly two months). 

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. March 6, 2007 6:49 pm

    The commotion you’re hearing outside your door right now is the blogger boys lining up to give you a second opinion.

  2. March 6, 2007 6:50 pm

    Either that or the delivery guy from the Chinese restaurant.

  3. March 6, 2007 8:10 pm

    Her banana shake brings all the boys to the blog.

  4. March 7, 2007 8:53 am

    Well, having met you in person, I will confirm that you have some pretty impressive firepower in ‘dem guns.

  5. Glen Quagmire permalink
    March 7, 2007 9:16 am

    Giggity giggity

  6. March 7, 2007 12:32 pm

    They make these things called ‘implants’ for people with your problem.

  7. March 7, 2007 3:18 pm

    [record scratches] huh? Wow, what’s this world coming to? And I’m feeling this urgent curiosity to see the dress. I am loving me some Laundry dresses lately. Love. So, is it fixed yet? And where ya wearing it to?

    Two months, really?

    Wanna hang out? Bet you’re all kinds’a easy right about now. Aww ye.

  8. March 7, 2007 4:18 pm

    Hammer: I am going to go with neither. Although it would be nice if the commotion was Ed McMahon getting ready to hand me over a nice fat check.

    i-66: Allergy aside, a banana shake sounds damn tasty right now.

    TimTheToolManNinja: I want to know who the fit modle was with the guns bigger than mine!

    Quagmire: Hey! I am not some girl from Omaha hiding a banana!

    Luckster: Yes, I should get them to fit in this one dress…brilliant!

    Cluss: I know! WTF? And I’m always easy, you know that! But this dress is simple, nothing special..basic black dress/chiffon overlay/knee length/medium-wide straps (so yous can wear a bra). Just simple. A staple. I get it back on Friday, just in time to pack for Boca. Birthday dress is coming too 🙂

  9. March 7, 2007 4:32 pm

    Birthday dress? Is that the girl’s equivalent of a birthday suit?

    Whatever happened to your prom dress party idea?

  10. March 8, 2007 9:49 am

    I love to be titillated by tales of women being felt up by their dry-cleaning women!

  11. March 8, 2007 11:11 pm

    I do love your breasts. Something must have been wrong with the dress!

  12. Glen Quagmire permalink
    March 9, 2007 11:04 am

    I love the new “dirty” blog

    Please include pictures next time

    Giggity

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