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Joe Mauer Justin Morneau I’m gonna press my lops* against you…

August 25, 2006

Ok, so I may have a new baseball boyfriend, ‘cept he’s not as hot as my old one but damn, is he charming.

The Scene
August 24
Orioles v. Twins
Game 3 of a split three-game series
Twins need to stay hot to stay in the Wild Card race—the White Sox had just pulled a 10 run shutout over the Tigers earlier in the day
My little bro had procured 1st and 2nd row visitor’s dugout seats to said game in celebration of his Leo sisters’ birthdays.
We are all beyond excited. Best seats we’ve ever had for a Twins game, by far. Anticipation was huge.

annnnnd action!

We actually made it out of DC with relative ease (read minimal traffic) and were in our seats while the team was still stretching. Would have liked to see batting practice, but impossible for a weekday game. Perhaps for the weekend series in September? So, the seats? Amazing. Those are my badly pedicured feet there on the dugout. I mean, how much better can you get?

Every guy rounding third, right there. The entire team, as they come in off the field, right there. Torii Hunter gave us a “what’s up” nod. Nick Punto mouthed a little “hey”. And as I leaned over the dugout to see who was standing on the steps just as the game was getting underway…who did I see? Johan Santana! Ace extraordinaire! What do I do at this point? Well of course I screamed “Oh! My! God! Hi! Johan!” To which he turns, looks at me, gives the cutest little wave and says “Hi”. Ohmigod! Santana said “hi” to me. I’ve never been one to be star struck, but I think I got weak in my knees. It was such a heartfelt “hi”. With a wave! Sigh.

So the game gets underway, Castillo leads off with a single. Punto advances him with a beauty of a bunt. Hottie Joe Mauer then clears the bases with a double that erred into a triple. I think it was so he could stand there bent over on the third base line for me. 2 – nothing. Just like that. Torii Hunter gets up to bat and we chant “Torii! Torii!”. He glances over his shoulder as if to say “Shut up”. I love it! Non-verbal communication with the players. How friggin cool is that?

Ok, so I am not going to rehash the game pitch-by-pitch. But I could. But I won’t. There are box scores for that. You may not get the benefit of me screaming “Booooooof” for every pitch thrown by Bonser (btw, way to step up dude!), but hey that’s your loss. So the other highlight of the game, you know besides the time that Cy-Young winner and possible future hall of famer, Johan Santana totally waved and said hi to me in a totally sincere and possibly I-think-you’re-hot kind of way, we got Justin Morneau to smile.

Insert shock and awe here.

Seriously. The man never smiles. Not even when knocking in the winning run. Not after his home run last night. Just never. So he made have found himself near our end of the dugout last night sometime in the middle of the 6th inning, looking for his glove before he headed over to first.

Me: “Hey Justin! You know…you could smile any day now!” (Might I mention they were up 7-0 and Justin himself had already blasted a solo HR in the 3rd, it was a good day, you know?)

Justin glances up towards us and gives a little grin. He then ducked back in the dugout to grab the glove and upon emerging I think my brother yelled out “I mean it’s 7-nuthin!” to which Morneau responds with this wide-ass grin. Soooo cute.

*NOTE: We this photo was snapped RIGHT AFTER we got him to smile. We thought we had broke him. Look at him, all Smiley McSmilerson over there on 1st base.

The bottom of the 6th is played. Boof quickly retires the inning. As Morneau trots in from the infield, we are up and cheering them in, offering words of encouragement annoyance, he pauses at the steps of the dugout near home plate scans the seats, finds us and tosses the ball over. A game ball, touched by MVP candidate, Justin Morneau! Holy Geez! I’ve never gotten a game ball ever in my life. Never even been near one. Now I am holding one, tossed to me ON PURPOSE by Justin Morneau. By now, our entire section hates us. Oh well, we are having the time of our lives.

Cut to the 8th, the Twins knock in 4 more runs. Score is now 11-2, we are beyond ecstatic. After Crain closes out the 8th for us with three up, three down, Morneau again jogs in from his first base spot, stops just before heading intot he dugout and scans the first row. Bypassing countless children who are much closer to him, he (again) tosses us the ball. My sister catches it. Two game balls! Delivered to us personally by Justin Morneau! I am never going to be this lucky again, ever!
Twins win, 11-2 and end the game on a double play.

/End scene.

Good times, good times.

So…who should it be?

*“I can dream about you I’m gonna press my lops against you…” is a lovely quote off a lovely pink diary from the lovely Megan who procured said diary in the lovely Czech Rebublic. Apparently, the CR loves putting English phrases on tee-shirts (and diaries). Well, they like putting their version of English on things. And Megan, knowing how much I love the engrish, sent along this diary, with this very amusing quote on it, to me, for my birthday. Thanks Megan! To what “lops” was translated from, I do not know. Perhaps they mean “lips”? Would that make too much sense?

14 Comments leave one →
  1. August 25, 2006 4:50 pm

    Oops to i-66 and Tyler. I did get your comments, but I accidentally deleted the original post trying to update it with player photos from my sister’s camera. As you can see from Joe Mauer’s ass, it was worth it.

    Thank you,
    Baby Banana Management

  2. August 25, 2006 5:07 pm

    I am so totally jealous. And Fred and I definitely saw you on TV, waving and cheering the guys in as they ran home. It was hysterical.

  3. August 25, 2006 5:26 pm

    Sweet! I’ve never gotten a game ball, then again, I’m a guy and I’d have to give it to a little kid a girlie like you. Congrats!

    Go Red Sox 😉

  4. August 25, 2006 5:37 pm

    eeeeeee! I am beyond excited. I never thought I’d whore myself out for a game ball. Actually, that’s the best part. I didn’t. He TOTALLY looked for us (TWICE).

    I screamed my ass off for every guy on that lineup. When Justin rounded the bases I just yelled “MVP! MVP! MVP!” The guys in the dugout were openly laughing at me by game’s end. One dude (who I don’t know) even said I was gonna be hoarse by 10pm (I was, my voice was cracking like an 11-year old boy’s).

    DCSC – I can’t believe you saw us! So cool, I wish I had tivo to record it.

    Needtsza – I’ve never even been near one. Of all the games I’ve been to, not even a foul ball has come anywhere close to me. Palmiero tried to toss one to me once (because I may have winked at him), but a fat lady four rows ahead of me snagged it. Raffy shrugged at me.

  5. August 25, 2006 6:03 pm

    That wasn’t a shrug. It was an involuntary spasm due to sudden growth because of the roids.

  6. August 25, 2006 9:59 pm

    That is SO COOL!!!! I’m so excited for you to see your team, be SO close and get a game ball. AND have your sister get one too! Man, you guys are the luckiest!!!

  7. August 27, 2006 12:22 am

    Yea. Was reading the yesterday’s paper and saw your boy crushing the ball.

    The roid stuff unrelated.

  8. August 28, 2006 3:03 pm

    I once sat in those very same seats, or at least very close. No one tossed any balls at us but Brian Roberts fouled one off so hard that I had to literally jump out of the way, and then in the very same game someone, i think it was Melvin Mora, swung and missed, let go of his bat and it was heading right for me. Unfortunately it hit a seat two rows in front and ricocheted over my head, I can’t think of anything cool than going to a game and end up with someones bat.

  9. August 28, 2006 6:04 pm

    Mapster – I know! I am officially spoiled forever now.

    Need – Don’t go starting rumors about my new boyfriend. Or my old one for that matter, too.

    Eric – We kept an eye out for foul balls, but nothing came near us. Had to rely on good, old-fashioned charm. Sigh. Leaving the game witha bat would be super cool, or a jersey. DCSC got a Nats game-worn throwback not too long ago.

  10. August 30, 2006 12:06 pm

    I am so jealous! It is really cool how Morneau threw you the game balls, but I think you have to stick with Mauer. He is too hot to be 2nd on your list!

  11. August 30, 2006 2:30 pm

    Justin thought he was going to get laid….

  12. August 31, 2006 12:11 pm

    R – So cool, isn’t it? Beyond excited! You are right about Mauer. But he wouldn’t make eye contact 😦

    Phil – Hmmm, so what do you think I’ll get if I actually put out?

  13. Anonymous permalink
    September 6, 2006 2:27 pm

    Mauer’s got a Miss USA, but Justin’s got nothing going on. I’d take the guy who grinned and tossed you a couple of balls over the guy who won’t make eye contact!

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