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Pollen, thy name is misery!

May 24, 2006

Imagine, you are sitting around minding your business, perhaps at work a little too late for your own good, but damnit you are just so busy. Without thought, your hand reaches up to your face to tweak a slight itch near your eye. Being nonchalant about it and not really paying any attention, your fingers brush against your lashes and you unconsciously realize that…you have an itch there, in your eye, as well. Oh it’s a deep itch, right there in the corner. Not even twenty seconds later, your finger is knuckle-deep in your eye socket. Alarmed, you yank your finger from it’s fun and at the same time, your other hand decides to reach for the opposite eye. “Augh“, you think, or try to–your brain can’t get past the itching signals. You try to calm yourself down and keep your hands away from your face, but every blink of the eye brings on a new level of discomfort. You take a deep breath, well you attempt a deep breath and quickly realize that you can no longer breath through your nose. Hmm, mouth-breathers are hot.

I.t.c.h.i.n.g. Thinking of maybe your mother’s advice? Basic common sense? Or every other
non-informative, springtime, 5 o’clock news segment (you know the ones, on those quiet news days) you repeat to yourself “scratching it will just make it worse“. So you sit and contemplate the hellish distress of the all consuming eyeball itchies over the burning pain of relief that would come with scratching up your corneas. Oh no. Ew. Now your nose is leaking. You try to sniffle it up like a seven-year old, but nothing happens. The nasal passages are dead stopped, like traffic on I-95. How can your nose be working in only one direction!?!? You leap up to find a tissue, as you ran out of your own sometime around 11 am. Running from cubicle to cubicle you find nothing until you spy the paper towels in the office kitchen. You quickly debate whether to continue your quest for the fluffy and lotion-infused or to stop and use the sandpaper towels to mop up the snot from your nose. Considering gravity is taking hold and the sticky stuff is heading quickly in the direction of your upper lip you go with the sandpaper.Current crisis temporarily averted, your mind goes back to the prickly irritation in your eyes. You try pressing your fingers deep into your eyeballs. You poke them so deeply that you see something that looks like an eclipsed sun. With no time to appreciate the cosmic forces hidden behind your eyes, you stop poking because, damnit it’s not working! You try dabbing ice cold water in your eyes, thinking of some random thing you read once that said nerves can only feel one sensation at a time, hot, cold, pain, itch. Lies! The water makes it worse, irritating your peepers once again and sending your fingers back to your face…scratch, scratch, scratching. Ow. Scratchity scratch. Owowow, claw, scrape. Ow. Rub. Rub harder. You stop and take inventory of the situation. Your eyes have been reduced to teary, red, swollen burning orbs of pain.

But they don’t itch.You grab a couple of paper towels before you leave the kitchen to go back to your desk, hoping the pain outlasts the histamines.

18 Comments leave one →
  1. May 24, 2006 10:02 am

    That doesn’t sound like me at all! Why would I do such things?!

  2. May 24, 2006 11:46 am

    did you really just say “peepers”?

    Is now a good time to divulge that I don’t have allergy problems? Did you know that already? Well… yeah.

  3. May 24, 2006 12:09 pm

    wow… what a good description of the pain! I totally understand that!!

  4. May 24, 2006 12:30 pm

    Wait, don’t stop there. Imagine your throat starts closing up as hives raise up from your flesh which you can’t scratch because you’re too busy pushing in your “peepers” w/the palms of each hand in hopes of making the familiarity of pain take over the discomfort of the burning itch/sting that has taken over that area of your face, and then, you can’t make it to wipe at the faucets that are now your nostrils so you just twist around to hide your deformaties from any possible witness.

    Not that I know anything of this but… Thank you Zyrtec and Flonase.

    Your deep pools of chocolate pudding (eyes) were then looking like they were swimming in a pool of cherry flavored jello? Hot, hot, hot.

  5. May 24, 2006 12:59 pm

    Ahhh, Clussy love it 🙂 But am more than concerned! You mean to say you have throat issues with non-food allergies? Oh the horrah!

    And the peepers looked like they had indeed been dipped in cherry jell-o as well as marred by some clawful bird…or something).

  6. May 24, 2006 2:04 pm

    Add the burning sensation on your nose right before you are going to sneeze but nothing comes out. BTW… couldn’t relate to the eye thing until today, go figure, did you send it my way. My eyes are so bad today i went to CVS to get allergy drops, but they just sting. Takes focus off itching a little. I think I have asinus infection, booo hiss on pollen!!!!!

    Marsh, did you just admit to allergies 😉 Me too!!!

  7. May 24, 2006 2:47 pm

    I’m scared of Harms’ admitted “assinus infection”. This is why I insist that nono means nononono. No?

  8. May 24, 2006 5:12 pm

    Harms I’ve always admitted to allergies…I was the “I never get sick, it’s just allergies” girl.

    YOU said you didn’t suffer from allergies while you sneezed up and down from the lillies.

    Cluss, I was afraid to ask. But you had to go there didn’tcha? Feelin’ all frisky from your tropical vacation.

  9. May 24, 2006 6:16 pm


  10. May 25, 2006 9:42 am

    If I were gettin any toasted bagel action I might possibly be okay with having something, but I am not therefore all of you, minds out of the gutter!!!! “asinus” = “a sinus”, just one “s”… crazy kids, leave me alone!!!1111111!!!!

  11. May 25, 2006 10:16 am




    ((crawling back into gutter))

  12. May 25, 2006 3:05 pm

    You guys need to grow up! Stop being Toys R Us kids!

  13. May 25, 2006 4:01 pm

    Don’t hate Rich cause we didn’t ask you to play with us!!!!


  14. May 25, 2006 4:06 pm

    I don’t wanna grow up
    cuz if I did
    I wouldn’t be a bobbie-flashing kid

    (like Clussy)

  15. May 25, 2006 4:27 pm

    Dear Mish,

    Sorry for smutting up your perfectly family oriented blog comments section again.


  16. May 26, 2006 7:34 am

    Oh she’s not sorry at all! Don’t let her get away with it this time Marci! She’s ruining the whole thing! BAN her Marci! BAN HER!

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  18. Anonymous permalink
    May 26, 2006 6:17 pm

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