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March 27, 2006

First of all, even though I am completely ignorant when it comes to the sport of basketball (possession arrow, whaaa?) I would be remiss if I didn’t throw out a little somethin’ for my alma mater–the Fairfax, VA-based GMU. Those kids are on fire and looked totally solid against both Wichita and UConn. Well, at least they did to my untrained eye. Go Patriots! I should have had my Dad dig out the college sweats while I was visiting this weekend. Speaking of the family, I did make it down for a visit this weekend and totally scored the homemade meal even though I went on Saturday….ah I love home cooked food–it tastes even better when you don’t have to cook it yourself.

You know what I am wondering? I am wondering when it was exactly that I wrote to Carloyn Hax.

This appeared in Sunday’s paper:

Dear Carolyn:
I wondered if you have a word of encouragement for those of us who are perpetually stuck in first-date mode. I’ve gone out with several guys over the past two years, but we never really make it past date 2 or 3. Never past the getting-to-know-you phase — often by their choice. I consider myself to be a generally fun and interesting person (I have tons of friends who never believe me when I talk about how hard it is to meet/date guys), but eventually it comes down to one common denominator — me. Any thoughts on what I may be doing wrong, or what I can do differently in the future?

Carolyn says:
Words of encouragement . . . you aren’t blaming all men, which is great; you’re willing to accept responsibility without getting down on yourself, even better; you’re in a really, really common rut, which I hope is reassuring. There might be more, but from my position I’d only be guessing. For example, it sounds like you aren’t desperate, or else you’d have found someone, anyone, eager to latch himself on (since there’s always someone, anyone, who is). And your friend tonnage suggests at least some of your friends have their own healthy relationships, which would mean your friends aren’t the dysfunctional leading the blind, which can be a powerful date repellent.
Assuming all this is true, you’re probably not looking at a huge effort or life change, but instead a step or two to one side — the same way you’d change your angle if you were having trouble fitting an armchair into your car. Look at how you meet people, assess people, make dates, dress for dates, talk on dates. Tweak anything that, upon scrutiny, seems forced or unnatural.
And if that strikes you as a trip to self-conscious hell, you’re now ready to see why people find that giving up is so liberating — and effective. It’s making a change without changing yourself; in fact, it’s reverting to yourself. In other words, leaving all the facts of the problem intact, and just taking two steps to the side.

Marci says:

This doesn’t help me. But at least it’s nice to know that others share similar problems? Yeah, that doesn’t help either. Smeh.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. March 27, 2006 12:28 pm

    I-66 says: My proximity to Main Street lends itself to partying with Mason-friendly compadres on Saturday night.


  2. March 27, 2006 12:45 pm

    Damn, I am going to have to [gasp!] plan my weekend around basketball…

    …as much as a sports fan I am, I don’t think that has ever happened before.

  3. March 27, 2006 12:53 pm

    Dude. I was just talking about this with my friends this weekend. Why does everyone else seemingly fall into relationships and I have a string of preliminary (1st, 2nd or 3rd) dates?

  4. March 27, 2006 1:24 pm

    You too Bliss? I don’t get it. It’s like the mystery of the century.

    Of course my first issue is getting that first date. The secondary issue is that “the dating” never makes it past the single digits.

  5. March 27, 2006 1:32 pm

    Screw basketball, now that I’m back we need to plan another EPH nite.

  6. March 27, 2006 2:53 pm

    I probably did see you Saturday, I saw the SLR t-shirts on some people!

    And about those veggie burgers, I’ll have to check those out.

  7. March 27, 2006 3:54 pm

    I was wondering if you were going to make a post about GMU, i was listening to the radio this morning thinking about you.

    Screw dating, we are much better off w/o them!!!

  8. Anonymous permalink
    March 28, 2006 12:13 am

    seriously, hax published something you sent in? i never miss a column. she went to my high school and married my HS spanish teacher -rd

  9. March 28, 2006 12:55 pm

    DCSC – So glad you are back in the groove. EPH HH is a must-do!

    Mappy – Too funny we’d be running in the same place for entirely different reasons…and if you like veggies the Dr. burgers are a MUST! Heavenly, they are.

    Harms – It’s too cool, isn’t? And boys are for suckers.

    Rach – I didn’t send it in, but had I written something…that would have been it. I love Hax, and I had no idea you knew her!

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