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Calling all advice givers and doubt quellers

January 20, 2006

Alright, I am self-admittedly no freaking good at this. “This” being dating. So I am opening myself up to advice. Ack! Yay? Yay. Aside from it being well established that I have a broken Flirt-O-Meter, I am also prone to over-analyzation. What girl isn’t, right? I have three dates under my belt with Google Dater with a fourth one scheduled for next month. Yes, I said next month. It has seemed, from the start, that our schedules are not very conducive together and now as we approach a month of contact, the damn over-thinking girl crap has set in. Anyway this has been what is going on this past month:

~Google Dater, well Googles, and emails me on a Monday before the Christmas holiday
~We set a date for later in the week.
~There are many emails and a phone conversation in between
RESULT: Date # 1 is excellent and we make a specific plans for the next date

Christmas Break happens, he’s on travel, then I’m on travel, then he’s on travel again. This mean it’s two weeks before our next date. But….

~There was lots of texting during our respective travels
~And more than the occasional phone conversation, we’re not talking everyday here…but in the two weeks there were a *few* calls. (Is this where I say I am not a huge fan of chatting on the phone? My phone philosophy is generally, say what you need to say and bid each other goodbye. Some good talk and/or flirting can trump this reaction though…so “more than a few phone calls is saying a lot here.)
~He flies in from his travels and drives directly from the airport to my office to pick me up for Date #2 (swoon)
RESULT: Date #2 is excellent, and we talk about what might happen for the next time

Two days later he is traveling again, mini-vaca style.

~There is texting while he’s away but then he returns and there is a lull. I initiate a text which results in a nice phone conversation later that evening. We make plans for when he returns, from yet another trip. This time it’s business though.

~No contact for 4 days (he’s away and busy, I’m just busy).
~He’s on a red-eye from Vegas and calls me after he’s back and has had a little nap, we solidify our plans for later that day.
~He comes to pick me up, we go out.
~We make mention that there will be a 4th date.
~Even though it’s not a “school-night”, the evening ends early.
RESULT: Date #3, is ok. It ends a little too early for me, but he had just flown in from Vegas so I should not take this personally, right?

So now he’s in town, and it had been a couple of days so I emailed him this past Wednesday. He apologizes for not calling, says he is glad to hear from me and things are crazy at work. I tell him to give me a couple days that are good for him and I’ll figure out Date #4. He basically says the next two Wednesdays are good (?!?! Wednesday?!?!). Well, I am traveling as of next Wednesday, so that’s out. I picked the following Thursday. He says it works for him and that is that.

So, again, 2 weeks between dates! Ok, he’s a very busy guy (which I get because my job does that to me too) but he was all super happy to email and text early on and now nothing. Is he just busy or losing interest? With the distance between communication and face-to-face contact I fear I might be losing interest too. But I don’t want to fuck it up by thinking he’s not interested when he’s just busy….waaa….

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. January 20, 2006 9:21 pm

    Where does he live? Is he local (to you)? Reason being, long distance relationships never work. Ever.

    If he simply has a job that requires travel, that’s different. Guv’na had a job that required travel every Sun. night/Mon-Thurs. So he could be very busy.

  2. Anonymous permalink
    January 20, 2006 10:39 pm

    People just get caught up in their jobs sometimes, but if the dates were as good as you say, hang in for a bit. Keep your options open though.

  3. January 21, 2006 2:29 pm

    If you’re losing interest with all the back-and-forth of calls and texts, it’s possible he is too. (Though clearly he’d be a fool to pass you up, but that’s a different story…) Could you simply, honestly ask him (in person): ‘I really like seeing you when we can make it happen, but I know our schedules are tight. Are you as frustrated as I am, or are you used to this with your job?’ It doesn’t come out and say, ‘Do you like me as much as I like you?’ but his answer will be a good meter– maybe he likes strong, capable women like you, but his job makes dating women who can’t be at his beck-and-call difficult. It’ll also give you a sense of his sense of urgency, and that’s a good thing to know in general. In the mean time, be thinking about what you want. This relationship seems like a lot of work, and you said you’re losing interest. Forget him: is it working for YOU?

  4. January 22, 2006 7:16 pm

    Welcome to my world…as you know already. I’m not sure what the long periods of time between dates means (in my own case as well.) I say, stay in the game, keep dating and if you lose interest, you lose interest. I think I am losing interest with my dude. If they can’t step up to the plate, it’s time to bail.

    Of course, I’m still single, so perhaps you shouldn’t take my advice..,

  5. January 23, 2006 9:44 am

    Well, from all of my dating experience (unfortunately there were lots of experiences) if he’s not making the effort to see you then there’s a problem. Normally if I was interested but not that interested in a guy I’d schedule the dates around spin class, yoga, movie night with the girls stuff like that so we’d only see each other once a week.

    Now as far as long distance relationships go, I think they work 😉 but it does take a lot of work and dedication from both parties.

    Your a total hottie and a great girl, so I say stick around to see where this goes but keep your options open. Sometimes a hectic life does happen so it all comes down to the fact that only you know how strong the connection is between you and google dater.

  6. January 23, 2006 12:18 pm

    I really like roarsavage’s advice.

    Dunno if this dude is just trying to play it cool or what. So many times girls (yes, I said girls) are put off if you display too much interest. This guy sounds like he’s not displaying enough though.

    Ye’ got me. I say if you don’t get a warm fuzzy by the end of your next couple of dates…then move along to the next monkey…er….guy.

  7. January 23, 2006 5:10 pm

    Thanks Dr.Bloggers! You guys should get a talk show 🙂

    Dr. Phil – Technically local, although further in the ‘burbs than I generally go.

    Dr. Anon – I am definitely keeping my options open, this ain’t no relationship! Knowwhatimsayin’?

    Dr. Roary – I am a HUGE fan of directness (which he was in the beginning) so I’d love to ask him point blank, but that would require an actual converstation. Lately, that’s rub 😦 I don’t mind it being lax (for now), as long as we’re on the same page.

    Dr. Velvet – I hear ya. And that’s exactly what I want to do. I just don’t want to fuck anything up by letting it fizzle if it’s not time.

    Dr. Busted – Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking too. The first three dates, he was all gung-ho and then…wall. I guess I jsut ahve to wait to see if it’s due to being busy or lack o interest.

    Dr. MG – Yeah, if the time leading up to our next date stays like it is right now, I don’t think next date will be happening.

    You guys rock!

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