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Fake-me-out-double-takes

November 3, 2005

You’re walking along; say on a Metro platform for example, and a figure catches your eye. It might be the person’s profile, their great hair, an amazing ass, or any one (or five) of an infinite number of attractive things. So you do what any self-respecting human would do…you look again. Harder. Closer. With a tad lot more scrutiny. And…

…BAM! The offensiveness hits you like a ton of bricks. Not hot. Not cute. Not even worth a single glance, much less a bona fide double take. Is it me or is this area filled with more than our fair share of such offenses? It happens to me on a regular basis. And I get so mad that I was tricked into burning these not-cute faces into my retinas for even a split second. Maybe I look at people too much, maybe I should just bury my nose in a book and stop pretending I am an observer in the Zoo of the Human Race. But I like the pretty, I am a big fan of prettty. So, where is the pretty? Where IS it?

Also (but COMPLETELY unrelated)
Is it wrong that I am eating the caramel off the fun-size Milky Ways and throwing the weird nougat shit away?

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. November 3, 2005 2:34 pm

    So you’re saying that our area is filled with full on Monets? *nod* Interesting theory.

    I don’t like nougat shit.

  2. November 3, 2005 4:23 pm

    Monets, Picassos, Dogs Playing Poker. I want to gaze at the pretty and the hot. I guess I should just hang out with my friends more. But that means one of you guys has to accompany me on the Metro every day. Any volunteers?

  3. November 3, 2005 8:14 pm

    Maybe, does the job pay well?

    Also…how do you define pretty? I have no idea what you deem pretty other than guys who are loaded with cash and play a professional sport.

  4. November 3, 2005 8:17 pm

    Hmm, I actually enjoy the metro. I can stare at people who intrigue me and they don’t scowl as much as the people on the NY subway do.

    Can’t do every day but I’m sure we can do some rotations? And Mish, *sigh* flattery will get you everywhere. For you I will even brush my hair.

    Did you miss the ‘Clueless’ reference w/the “full on Monet”?

    Tai: Do you think she’s pretty?
    Cher: No, she’s a full-on Monet.
    Tai: What’s a monet?
    Cher: It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess. “

  5. November 3, 2005 8:52 pm

    I am ruined by television where even the dorks would be hot on the Metro.
    I have not had my heart rush in forever. I truly can’t say the last time I saw a real guy and went “Hoooooootie hooooooooooo!!!” Sad. But then the men I see are all short, balding, paunchy, old white men.

    Moment of silence…

  6. November 3, 2005 9:08 pm

    MG – Money does not make the pretty list. Am disappointed you’d even think that 😦

  7. November 3, 2005 9:19 pm

    Well clearly we need to spend more time together BabyB. So far, all I’ve gleaned from your blog is 20-something baseball players who make the “BabyB Pretty List.”

    I have no other frame of reference. =( Sorry.

  8. Anonymous permalink
    November 4, 2005 9:03 am

    Women stare at me everyday on the Metro. I’m not rich, and I don’t play a professional sport.

    I do wear skin-tight spandex pants, a muscle t-shirt, and use the ceiling rails to do pull-ups.

    Come to think of it, everyone stares at me on the Metro.

  9. November 4, 2005 10:24 am

    Anon – You sound hot, call me?

  10. November 4, 2005 10:24 am

    Maybe it’s because you have an incredible case of baboon sized hemorrhoids?

  11. November 4, 2005 10:53 am

    Marci – bet you could find some men at Hooters.

  12. Anonymous permalink
    November 4, 2005 10:56 am

    Maybe it’s the baboon-sized hemorrhoids, maybe it’s my heavy, labored breathing after using the seats near the door to do some dips. Gotta work those triceps.

    The point is, I, and everyone like me, is completely batshit insane.

    The world is my gym, the rest of you are just in the way. When I want to do push-ups in the office hallway, DEAL WITH IT. There is nothing you have to do that is more important than me going to town on my pecs. NOTHING.

    You all stare because you wish you had what I had…the biggest head in the entire universe.

  13. November 4, 2005 12:46 pm

    I just read “…that is more important than me going down on my pecs.”

    Um….

  14. November 9, 2005 1:40 pm

    It is wrong that you discard your Milky Way in such a fashion.

    Starving children in China would love to have that nougat.

  15. November 10, 2005 11:32 am

    Wow, that anon guy is pretty entertaining. I need to ride the Metro more.

    I agree with Phil. While nougat is not the best part of a candy bar, it’s like “The Dude’s” rug in Big Lebowski. It holds the candy bar together.

    You throw away the nougat, it’s like you’re pissing on The Dude’s rug.

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