Baby Banana’a Quick & Dirty Guide to SuperBowl XLIII*

*Now ACTUALLY quick and dirty

The Arizona Cardinals v. The Pittsburgh Steelers

First time for the Cards and the Steelers suck. Outside of the fact that Mark Warner quarterbacks for the Cards and Omar Epps does not coach for Pittsburgh, that’s all that really matters about this game. You know the NBC network execs are pissed about this match-up.  Which makes me really wonder why they pulled the plug on the PETA spot, you’d think they’d want some extra attention. (Even though I, too, think the ad is a little much…I like a hot women just as much as the next person, but they could have done it with less licking).

BNF – Banana Night Football

With the game on and turned up, I also was Twittering on the laptop. But with it being a good game and all meant that I just had too much to say for that low-character venue. So here I am, live-blogging the second half (and the last two minutes of the first half) of the Vikings/Bears game.

Annnnnddd go!

Madden references the penalty on Berrian as a “horse collar’s horse collar”.  Michales doesn’t know what to say, so he repeats it.  Ahhh, Maddenisms.

And here comes Kleinsasser, surprisingly he doesn’t leap over anyone to get in the endzone-just stumbles backwards.  Beauty. I’ll take it.

Score: 17 – 7 (MN)– less than 2:00 in the 2nd

Wait, it’s being reviewed. And it’s coming back. Official says the replay dudes put the ball on the quarter yard line.  Michaels does the quick math for us imbeciles in the viewing audience and translates that to inches. Thanks.

Score 10 – 7 (MN)– less than 2:00 in the 2nd.

OMG. Quote of the night:
Michaels: “Looks like he got at least nine inches…and he did.”  Poor guy.

Score: 17-7 (MN)– Halftime
(woo!)

Why are they pimping Brad Pitt on the HalfTime show?  I feel like Costas was holding back snide comments during that promo.  Let it out Bob! Let it out!

Oh what a sad state of affairs the NFC North is…battling for first at 6-5?  If it weren’t the Vikes, I would be ashamed. Ok, I am still ashamed but I won’t complain.  You people do realize that the only reason this post is being made is because I am all by myself watching the game and I basically got tired of talking to the television.  I really need to get out more.  I am sure a certain Hammer would have watched this game with me.  Speaking of…you up for a field trip Hammer?

Anyone in for the over/under for when I start typing “Git ‘em! Git ‘em!!!!1!!!! TAKE HIM DOWN ALREADY YOU )(&#$)(&*#$”?”

And here is where I start counting how many times Madden mentions Peterson’s speed: we’re up to 5 (at least)

Fuckity fuck.  Turnover, tipped ball right into the safety’s hands.  Is another goal line stuff too much to hope for? Yes, apparently it was.

Score: 17-14 (MN)– 8:53 in the 3rd.

So that was a waste of good field position. And poor Kluwe, dude can’t find his way out of a touchback to save his life. So close, yet so far.  Maybe he should stop trying for the 1 and aim for the 8.  Just an idea.

MN interception!  Madden chastises Orton for not reading the cover 2.  Idiota! Although the view from the QB cam definitely shows Sharper all over that play.

TOUCHDOWN! After Peterson stiff arms a dude to keep his carry in the positive yardage, Taylor takes it on the next down all the way into the endzone.  I can definitely get used to all this purple scoring. Yay!

Score: 24-14 (MN)– 4:22 in the 3rd.

Ok, who did Madden just call “one of the better strippers in the NFL”? DAMN IT! I missed it and I don’t have a DVR.  They are still giggling over it.  John Madden just spent a good minute of airtime talking about a dude’s stripping ability and I don’t know who he’s talking about. Boo. I’d like to see that, unless it was a lineman, then probably not.

Another useless set of downs coming off good field position. C’mon guys, no need to make us sweat it out. I mean seriously, it’s creeping past my bedtime here and there is still a quarter to go. I am lame I know, but you already know this as well.

Ok so here we go, crappy field position — this means we score, yes? No.

Did anyone else know that Gus Frerotte spells his name F-R-E-R…? WTF.  When did that happen?  This entire time (all 86 years of his carreer) I thought it was F-E-R-O-T-T-E.  Whoops?

Can someone give me the stats on how many times an end around works? Because seriously with that much time spent in the backfield, it just seems so anti productive.

INTERCEPTION! STRIP! FUMBLE! Who’s ball is it?  Ack! Ruling on the field: Minnesota’s Ball!  YESSSSSSSSSS.

OMG, yet another Madden quote: “He was never taught high and tight.”  Maybe he should go talk to the guy who got the nine inches earlier, that might learn him.

Blitz! Oh, Taylor keeps it up the middle…dragging a few guys, almost there.  Sigh.  Almost. 2nd and 1.  Oh baby but we are in on 3rd and 1, even with 12 dudes lined up on D.  YEAH BABY, SCORE!

Score: 31-14 (MN) — 8:25 in the 4th.

(Mouth agape) ANOTHER INTERCEPTION! That’s three in the last seven tries by Orton. Holy mother of football. Woo hoo! Michales now points out that the boy had not thrown an INT in his previous 205 passes.  Sucks to be him.  Rules to be us. Ooh Michales is giving us the key to the game.  Oh, yeah I agree…it was the in the 2nd quarter. A goal-line stand right after Sapp made a flagrant personal foul at the end of a 3rd down play that resulted in a new set of downs, thusly setting up a four down stuffing and then a Frerote/Berrian 99-yard TD pass. It really was gorgeous.  That was about the same time I started getting loud mouthed toward the television and sat my ass down at the computer.

Could be a porno: Longwell Bangs That One. Or it could be Al Michaels letting us all know that MN just nabbed a field goal.  Take your pick.

Score: 34-14 (MN) — 4:18 in the 4th.

I wonder if sometimes when on the field and having that split second decision between doing something bad that will get you fined (but ultimately innocent, like using the ball as a prop in celebration) and not doing it do you choose the fine because WTF, it’s worth it?  I wonder if anything that was going to cost me thousands of dollars, and I had control over, would ever be worth it in my mind.

Score: 34-17 (MN) — FINAL
Yeah baby.

Goodnight sweethearts, well it’s time to go.
doo-doodoo-doo-doo
Goodnight Frerotte, you beat our foe.
doo-doodoo-doo-doo
I like Chicago but I really must say
We own first place toni-ight.

SuperBowl XLII Haikus

It’s my annual Post SuperBowl Haiku Day! You can play too, post your SuperBowl-themed haiku in the comments section.

Manning a Manning
It’s two in a row. Oh God
The advertisements

Referee Carey
What style you bring to “1st Down!”
History’s served well

With Brady depressed
Does Gisele still get any?
Can “pretty” sex heal?

Two minutes to go
How many turned the channel?
I have no respect

You can click to read haiku’s for XLI and XL, there might even been a limerick or two.

Baby Bananas Quick & Dirty Guide to SuperBowl XLII*

*Now with more supermodels and much needed cosmetic dental procedures!

Ok, by now we all know this will be anything but quick (as proven by my last two installments; XL and XLI) but I will do my best to make it quicker and dirtier. Leave it to the SuperBowl to be my reentry into writing for the year.

DISCLAIMER: This is the third annual Quick & Dirty Guide to the Super Bowl and it’s content is geared towards those not entirely familiar with the sport (for the less than dim, “the sport” being football). Use this helpful guide to help you choose a team to root for at your Super Bowl festivities—hopefully not based on the color of the uniforms or who the quarterback has most recently impregnated.

PHOENIX, ARIZONA. Hey, it’s the battle of 5 of the 13 colonial states! This Sunday, the New York Giants and the New England Patriots will fight it out for top football honors of 2007 in the 42^nd SuperBowl. Currently the odds makers have the Patriots favored by 12 points. Is this because the boot came off for media day? In any case, if the last game of the regular season was any indication we are in for a good game. Fingers crossed. There’s nothing worse than a boring SuperBowl. Well maybe watching a boring SuperBowl with sucky food.

THE TEAMS

New England
Team Name: Patriots
Nickname: The Pats
2007 Record (regular season): 16-0
Got into the playoffs by, well, beating all of their opponents

Noteworthy Item: Going for the first perfect season since the 1972 Miami Dolphins.

Buzz: “Spygate”. Team was caught spying on opponents by video tapping their sideline goings on. Situation was “remedied” by fining the team $250K and the head coach, Bill Belichick, $500K. No surprise that Washington now wants to get involved.

New York
Team Name: Giants
Nickname: G Men
2007 Record: 10-6
Got into the playoffs on a wildcard berth and a wing and a prayer, kidding!

Noteworthy Item: Quarterback Eli Manning is the little brother to last year’s SuperBowl winning QB and commercial funny-man, Peyton Manning.

Buzz: What’s buzz worthy about this team? They haven’t spied on anyone, there’s no boot controversy, Randy Moss isn’t on their team so they are missing that drama, nobody has impregnated any actresses nor is dating a supermodel, Pacman Jones is thankfully no where near the Giants Stadium, I mean they got nothin’ here! Does the team wearing black upon arriving in Arizona for the game, to supposedly mourn the end of the Patriot’s dynasty, count as buzz?

THE PLAYERS

New England

Tom Brady
The NFL’s most eligible bachelor. If bachelors are allowed to be baby daddies (to hot actress mammas) and date actual supermodels. So Brady knocked up Bridget Moynahan and promptly left her to date uber hottie Gisele just around this same time last year. Didn’t seem to hurt his game any. In fact I think he might have gotten better. Or wait, maybe that was just the off-season addition of an actual receiver.

Brady’s the real deal, sure he’s got haters but most people cannot deny that he is amazing under pressure, ridiculously accurate, smart on the field, and has a butt-chin. He does, it’s his one negative.

Randy Moss
Acquired in the off-season from the ill repute sucky Oakland Raiders, Randy Moss was excited to be back on a team with an actual quarterback. Notice how his mysterious plague of back injuries disappeared once on a team with a QB that likes to throw and a coach that actually knows what he is talking about? While he might not do well when physically pressured, he can beat just about anyone to the long ball…and put the long ball up high? Fuggetaboutit, no one is gonna touch that – dude’s got an outrageous vertical. Can I just mention here the recent battery charge made against him? Some Florida woman is alleging that Moss hit her or something. In addition to many other things Moss said, “Battery – I didn’t hit no woman. I’ve never laid my hands on a woman…”. No, maybe he never put his hands on a woman, but he sure as hell as put his car on one. Does that count as battery, or just ramming?

New York
Eli Manning

Underrated little brother of sell-out hysterically funny sell-out funny fellow quarterback, Peyton Manning. I say “underrated” because he gets a bad rap and he’s actually been good for the past four weeks…not Peyton good, but good. Good enough to win three straight times against teams that were arguably better than his in a pressure-filled post-season. To this I say, he’s due. Due to suck. Kidding. Kinda. He hasn’t shown the propensity to drive his team to the end all be all. He usually caves under the pressure. So we’ll see, jury’s still out.

Michael Strahan
Not really a major factor, but I knew he’d be upset if I didn’t put a photo of his ugly mug in this post. Man loves the camera. So much so, I think I am already sick of him and he’s not even retired and doing analysis yet. Sigh. Just don’t become another Tiki I implore you! But with 9 sacks and 45 solo tackles on the year, someone should definitely block him, I mean no running unabated to the quarterback here, he can do some damage. Just imagine if that front-tooth gap gets caught on Brady’s butt chin? The blood, the gore, the horror!

There are other, more important keys to the Giants game (like, defensive and pressure on Brady, hello Umemyiora!) but I just don’t feel like going into it. I know you all are sad.

THE COACHES
New England

Bill Belichick
Our resident 4-million dollar bag lady (are there such thing as bag men?). A disciple of the Bill Parcel’s school of football, he is proving himself to be one of the most brilliant minds of the game. (Provided he can get over spygate.) Now does the man actually have a home and/or a wardrobe?

New York

Tom Coughlin
Another disciple of the Bill Parcel’s school of football, even another member of The Tribe. What’s even more surprising is that the two most reclustic (a new word meaning full of recluse) coaches in the NFL are friends. I didn’t know that either of them actually had friends. Hmmm. Maybe they don’t know what friends are, so they can use the term with each other and mean it. Anyway, Coughlin is one tough cookie. Infamous for requiring players to show up for meetings at least 5-minutes early (apparently “on time” is late) and berating players in front of each other; he walks the line between tough/respectable and tough/go-fuck-yourself. Either way his players have discipline, so at least he’s got that going for him.

IN CLOSING

If you are going to base your decision on who to root for based on this pathetic synopsis you might as well be informed of all the trivial details. Pat the Patriot is New England’s official mascot. (LAME!) However, the New York Giants don’t have one. (LAMER!). Do with that information what you will.

I leave you with this, which is the funniest thing I’ve read on the SuperBowl in, like, forever. It appeared in today’s WaPo Express and I can’t find a byline so I am not taking credit for this, it wasn’t me but I don’t know who it was.

Game Time Fun:

“Whenever Randy Moss scores a touchdown, mimic announcer Joe Buck’s distinct voice and declare, ‘This touchdown is a disgusting act by Randy Moss. It’s unfortunate that we have that touchdown on our air live.’ Then stand up and mime pulling your pants down.”

Now go eat some hot wings and Doritos.

Well, frankly my dear, it’s no MNF

Give it up ABC NBC, you are not going to convince me that Sunday Night Football is better than MNF. Your snazzy marketing techniques are just pissing me off. Why pretend like football on a Sunday night was always the place to be — the big, nationally broadcasted game? No! I don’t care how many player, announcer and hall-of-famer testimonials you do, I still remember MNF! It’s only a season removed for crissakes. Ok, you might end up convincing me eventually. I am a sucker for all things NFL after all, but it’s going to take some time so stop shoving it down my throat (hello, I was the one still referring to CVS as “People’s Drug” as late as 2001…I don’t like change, o-kay!). I mean you could at least make it funny, maybe acknowledge whatever media snafus took place to initiate the switch. Humor and acknowledgment are the ways into this girl’s heart. Please and thank you.

Now, onto winning. Specifically, winning at Fantasy Football. Even more specifically winning out over a certain blogger. And yet even that much more specifically, winning BIG over that certain blogger. You know, like winning 100 points to 73? Yeah baby, Roughing the Melons is sitting pretty at the #1 spot after Week 1…the only one in the league to reach triple digits.

Who got me there? Tom Brady did ok for himself with Randy Moss going down field, a lot. Although I wonder how long that will last. Brady does play favorites though, unlike Manning, so maybe Randy will be happy for at least a season getting hit with long balls each week? Ron Curry, Moss’ “replacement” in Oakland put up some decent numbers but that has a lot to do with the opponent (although the Lions actually won) and a lack of other weapons in the Raider arsenal. And it surely wouldn’t be fantasy football if a kicker and a defense weren’t in the picture somewhere as well. To be expected, Jason Elam had a good game. The kid’s pretty consistent, he’s done me right the past two seasons so I will expect the same for this year. More surprisingly I milked 29 points out of the Viking Defense — an up and coming squad last year. I am just hoping for more of the same, turnovers, run backs and a strong D-line. Someone let the dogs out last weekend and the Vikes were able to roll over a harried Harrington. Gooooooo Melons!

 

 

Ugh. And people, you all need to stop letting me go to Chicago!
It’s really not helping at all, ok?

It’s the 2nd annual Post-Super Bowl Haiku* Day!

Why? Well, because it’s the day after the Super Bowl and that means no football until summer and that makes me really, really (no, really!) sad…I mean, whatever will I do on Sundays now?…and since haikus make me happy we should all write on in honor of the greatest sport ever to be played. Run-on sentences can convince you people to do this for me, right?

Who will they fry next?
Because the “big game” was won
Manning’s got a ring

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rainy Super Bowl
It was a night full of firsts
Billy Joel…um…wow

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Grossman, the ball
It’s under there, no not there
See it? How ’bout now?

*Ok, to be technical most of these would be considered “senryu” since they are not about peace and nature. Whatever.

The Baby Bananas Quick & Dirty Guide to Super Bowl XLI*

*This is the second annual Quick & Dirty Guide to the Super Bowl and it’s content is geared towards those not entirely familiar with the sport (for the less than dim, “the sport” being football). Use this helpful guide to help you choose a team to root for at your Super Bowl festivities—hopefully not based on the color of the uniforms, loveliness (or lack thereof) of the quarterback, or the proximity of where the team plays to where your father grew up.

A quick question before we get started, doesn’t “XLI” sound like it should be the name of some Asian stripper or happy-ending giver?  I’m just sayin’.

THE TEAMS

The Indianapolis Colts and the Chicago Bears play the 41st Super Bowl in Miami, FL. The odds have Indy favored by 7 points mainly because…well that is the question of the year isn’t it? If I were a betting woman, I would so take the Bears on that spread. My guess is that the official line moves to at least 6.5 before game time (and in case you are wondering, I would NOT take those odds).

Indianapolis
NICKNAME: The Baltimore Colts (kidding!).
Beginning their life as the Baltimore Colts, the boys in “speed blue” (their team color), were fairly prolific. After relenting to fan pressure, a third and final, Baltimore Colts team was resurrected in 1953 and it is this team that holds the title for three NFL Championships (prior to the AFL/NFL merger) as well as Super Bowl V. However, once the team packed their things into moving vans and set off in the dead of night for Indianapolis, the Colts franchise has been less than lucky—before this year, they have never been able to get past the Conference Championship games—Baltimore fans will surely say this is “karmatic” payback and will most likely be rooting for the Bears come Sunday. Prior to the Manning era under Tony Dungy, the Indianapolis Colts weren’t much of a team. Under these two, and with some huge offensive talent, the Colts of recent history have come to be an amazing force in the regular-season…just not so much in the post-season before this year.

Chicago
NICKNAMES: Da Bears (originating from recurring SNL skit throughout the ‘90s spoofing a local Chicago radio show) and Monsters of the Midway.
Beginning their life in 1919 as the Decatur Staleys, the Bears began as a company team for the A.E. Staley Company.  In 1920, they became a charter member of the NFL. The next year, Staley sold his team and the name to George Halas (whose family still owns the Bears) and the team moved to Chicago where they played at Wrigley Field (known then, as Cubs Park) under the name of the Chicago Staleys. The following year, Halas decided since they were playing where the Chicago Cubs played, why not become the “Chicago Bears” and then, paying homage to the Fighting Illini of the University if Illinois, the team adopted the colors of blue and orange. Da Bears had many early successes before the 1970 merger, but have only one won Championship since, Super Bowl XX – spawning the (in)famous Super Bowl Shuffle. Not having success after that ’85 season, the Bears fired coach Mike Ditka and went through a bunch of lack luster seasons before hiring Lovie Smith two years ago.

THE SEASON
Indianapolis finished 12-4 and had to play their way through the playoffs as San Diego and Baltimore finished with the first-round byes. Indy’s season was plagued with defensive ineptitude until the last few weeks of the season—ranking 21 out of 32 in total defense. But they stepped it up when it counted and produced solid, if not stellar defensive tactics against their last three opponents. Prior to this defensive stand, the game winning has come from the offense—and it’s been that offense that has dominated the league (again though, we’re talking regular season here). Boasting the second-rated passer and two of the top five wide receivers and an effective rushing game — it’s just way too hard to contain that many weapons.

Chicago finished 13-3, proving that last season’s success was no a fluke. Boasting the leagues second scoring offense and third best defense, it seems like the Bears are a total package team. But with an unpredictable QB, Bears fans are left wondering which Rex will show up on any given Sunday. Subscribing to the bend but don’t break philosophy of defense, Chicago was able to keep teams out of the end zone quite frequently throughout the season. With no standout stars on the team like we see on the Colts, the Bears present a true team effort in every game.

THE PLAYERS – by position


Indianapolis
Quarterback – Peyton “Can you sign my melon” Manning
You either love him or hate him. But either way you cannot deny his prowess, he is one of the best quarterbacks to play the game. Ever. He calls his own plays, much unlike the rest of the NFL QBs who get help with the play calling over their mic’ed up helmets and then check them against the cheat sheets pasted to their forearms. Not Peyton. On top of that, he’s famous for calling audibles, when you see the team lined up on the field and he’s standing back there yelling and waving his arms…that is what he is doing, he’s changing the play that he had just called in the huddle. He even known for calling audibles on his audibles. 

Running backs – Jospeh Addai and Dominick Rhodes. 
Addai is a rookie and Rhodes has been in the league for 6 seasons, all with the Colts. There is nothing really remarkable about either of these running backs – other than their steady ability to gain positive yardage. Look for Addai to take some passes and shoot through holes at the line of scrimmage, Rhodes will plug away at the tougher yardage. Manning will use whomever is getting better (read: less) defensive coverage.

Receivers – Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne
You could call Harrison the “anti T.O.”. Some may be unfamiliar with him, that is if you’re not watching football too often, he is easy to miss (you know, except for 60+ yard touch down passes, even those look easy though). But make no mistake, he will be going to the Hall of Fame one day. He’s been in the NFL for 11 years (all with the Colts) but he is known for his shyness with the media and his aversion for antics. Unless you like pure football, you won’t ever notice him. Reggie Wayne is probably the best #2 wide receiver in the league. He is so good, he is better than many of the #1 receivers out there. Again, look for Manning to exploit the coverage…I can’t think of team that has enough dominant, down the field coverage to cover both of these guys.

Defense – A topic of discussion as of late. As I mentioned above, they’ve been less than stellar this year – many will say downright awful. But something clicked against Kansas City and they’ve been on fire ever since. Look for the one stand out, Dwight Freeney, to try and wreak some havoc on the Bears O. He’ll be the one with arms waving, flying around behind the line of scrimmage, trying to pummel Rex Grossman.

The “X” factor – Too many offensive weapons. Manning has his pick of point getters (more than I’ve listed here), and if all goes cleanly the Colts have an amazing number of players that can score on any given play.

Chicago
Quarterback – Rex Grossman
In his first full season (but his third overall), Grossman’s play was a bit of a roller coaster ride for the team and the topic of much criticism. Earning a passer rating of 100 or better in 7 of 16 games, he coupled that with a sub 50 rating for five games – including one game of a 0.0 rating. Lovie Smith stuck by his man though, and started him every game much to the chagrin of most Chicagoans. A kid with a good arm, he just needs to stay focused and not made dumb plays for the Bears to stay competitive…he just has to understand that not all on-field problems are solved with a long pass – a point he seemed to master in the game against the Seahawks last month.

Running backs – Cedric Benson and Thomas Jones
Jones is the cutter of the duo, he’s going to be the guy that leaps and runs from side to side in effort to gain every single inch of turf he can. Benson is going to plow into whatever is in front of him and most likely move them out of his way (or take them with him). The Bears used their backs differing styles to their advantage in the last play off game, going to Benson when the Saints were tackling for short or no yardage and then back to Jones when running up the middle stopped working for them. Should be more of the same this Sunday.

Receivers – Bernard Berrian and Muhsin Muhammad
When you hear the Chicago fans chant what sounds like “Boooooooo”, it’s probably more likely “Muuuuuuuuu”; a cheer for Muhsin Muhammad. Although not the main receiving target that Berrian is, Muhammad is a smart receiver who has the ability to make plays when getting throws from either Good Rex or Bad Rex. Berrian is the more artistic receiver of the two and is usually Grossman’s target for the long ball.

Defense – They’re not scary, but they do what a good defense is supposed to do—stop the ball. Anchored by Chicago darling, Brian Urlacher, the defense is gearing up for the inevitable no huddle play that the Colts thrive on. What Bears thrive on is pressuring the QB, something that Manning doesn’t handle to well. If the Bears can get in the back field early as well as often, this will prove to be a really close game.

The “X” factor – Devin Hester
A key standout on special teams, look for this guy to make explosive runs up the field after the Colts kick the ball away on punts and kick-offs. He holds the league’s TD record for kick returners, with 5 this season…he even had two in one game. He has a tendency to fumble (think Tiki Barber some years back), but his skills at running into a line of 11 angry men far out way his propensity to drop the ball.

THE COACHES: This is the first Super Bowl for both coaches, and in case you’ve been living under a rock this is the first Super Bowl in history to have a black-coached team participating. I wonder, does Lovie get the “first black Super Bowl” tag since his team had the early play off game two weeks ago? Indianapolis

– Tony Dungy, credited with bringing the Cover 2 defense back to life. Long heralded as a defensive genius, he got his break by getting promoted out of Minnesota, where he was Defensive Coordinator, to the head coaching job for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and then later as head coach for the Colts. Let’s note here that the Buccaneers won Super Bowl XXXVII the year after he was fired. The man’s got a good amount of post-season experience, just not very many wins. Respected by fans, players, sports pundits and front office personnel alike, many will be rooting for the Colts just to see him win. (That is, to see him win as a coach—for he already has a ring for Super Bowl XIII think Terry Bradshaw and Lynn Swan, when he played as a safety for the Steelers defeat over the Cowboys.)

Chicago
– Lovie Smith, coaching spawn of Tony Dungy (meaning that Dungy gave him his first NFL job, as linebacker coach for the Buccaneers).  A seemingly unflappable coach, it’s rare to see him express extreme ranges of emotion on the sidelines or in the press room. He took over as coach for the Bears in 2004 and has made quiet, but steady, way to the top of the football chain. Under much skepticism, he stayed true to his faltering quarterback (Grossman) this season and will be looking for an “I told you so” type win this Sunday – or maybe that’s just what I would do, “nanny nanny boo boo! Idiots!”, but hell I would have benched the kid sometime in December so what do I know?

No time for losers

What awesome conference championship games yesterday!

Grossman proved what everyone has been saying for the past 5 weeks. He doesn’t have to be good for the Bears to win, he just has to not suck. And not suck he did, to the tune of zero interceptions and 11 for 26 completed passes. Not great, but good enough for a strong win over the Saints. I thought the Bears were going to lose it there in the 3rd quarter. But they pretty much sealed the deal after the safety.

Manning finally proved he can win in the post-season, because apparently winning one game (last week) in the post season didn’t count. So he went out there yesterday, got down early and brought it back around for the biggest comeback in conference-title game history. The pressure’s on you now Eli.

Now, all of my post-season, love-drunk rooting aside (I actually rooted for the Bears, a division rival!) I’m gonna keep it real for Feb.4 and say…

…come on Manning, Dungy and the Colts deserve this. Go Indy!

The NFL Playoffs – who will kick it first?

And by “kick it“, I mean which NFL playoff coach do you think will suffer a heart attack or untimely death first? These are not healthy people, I wonder if there is a line for this in Vegas…

Bill Belichick’s Patriots at Marty Schottenheimer’s Chargers

My pick: This one is hard. While Schottenheimer looks like he could fly offf the handle at any given moment, I think Belichick’s steely resolve could mean he is a seether. Seething does nothing for your health. On the other hand Belichick is probably too smart to get himself killed. Ok. Schottenheimer wins loses this one. He’ll be the first to go.

 

Mike Holmgren’s Seahawks at Lovie Smith’s Bears

My pick: Lovie Smith. It won’t be a natural death–but the city of Chicago will come after him if Grossman keeps sucking like he has been and is not benched.

Tony Dungy’s Colts at Brian Billick’s Ravens

My pick: Tony Dungy. He has been battling Nicole Ritchie for the Eating Disorder title for quite some time now. Add the suicide of his son last year and a history of post-season implosions; he is way beyond the help of just eating a few cookies. This man needs a SuperBowl ring or a sabbatical.

 

Andy Reid’s Eagles at Sean Payton’s Saints

My pick: Andy Reid. First of all Reid is a heart attack waiting to happen. I’ve never seen the man eat, but I can’t imagine it’s pretty. Plus, Payton is no competition. It’s his first pro season as head coach and he is on this amazing ride that led his team to a first-round bye. No pressure. Reid LIVES in the pressure cooker that is Philadelphia, it’s almost a blessing he’s playing on the road…considering their fans and the Eagles’ history of post-season losses.

Gone fishin’

Or more like, Gone Business Trippin’

Just like last year.

Off to the windy city for loads of work and then loads of vacation. Well, specifically 6.5 days of crazy work followed by 6.5 days of completely non-work related free time…in my favorite city of all time.

Wheeeeee!

And…annnnd! There may or may not be a Bears v. Vikings game in my Chicago future. Ok, I can’t lie to you, there soooo is!

I won’t be back ’til almost mid-December kids. Miss me!

I may be able to blog at ya form the road, we’ll see.

Oh and if anyone named Buggie or Meg decide they need to get the hell out of Dodge (or maybe Alexandria or Jacksonville) and can afford a last minute ticket to Chi-town. You know where I will be, I have the suite from Saturday to Thursday, yo!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!1!