Teabagging and the like

C’mon. You know there is no way I could let this one pass by without comment. So I’ll keep it short because all the hilarity has been said (can I just say that I love Anderson Cooper), I just need to repeat and expand on some asides that you may not have heard just yet.

Seeing as how our lovely friends at Fox News have so cleverly dubbed this anti-tax movement “Teabagging” (you know, like after the Boston Tea Party where early Americans protested government taxing, see it’s funny and relevant!).  Some have wondered what other movements could come from the Republican Party in the coming years.

– Obama opponents will summon public outrage against the administration’s efforts to legalize unauthorized immigrant workers, aka The Dirty Sanchez Campaign.

– For the 2010 election cycle, where 36 seats in the Seneate will be contested, the GOP will call for Operation Donkey Punch.

– Citing burdens on American business, those who feel sustainability is bunk will invoke the Tossed Salad movement in protest to Michelle Obama’s Victory Garden.

– In a bid to push House Minority Leader,  John Boehner (R-OH) into a Majority roll the GOP will launch the Cleavland Steamer Offensive.

What, are you going to return it?

Please, please people!

Remove the tags on the sleeves of your winter coats!  You know the ones that say “Kenneth Cole” “Cashmere” in fancy script?  They are not there for you to wear as a badge of honor.  They are like the tags on your mattress…removable! Worse yet are the tags that say “Wool Blend” next to the name of some no-name maker.  Just take a seam ripper, some scissors, or your teeth and rip those suckers off!

Eesh! Why does this bother me so?

Bringing you the latest in banana news

Not just bananas, but…

Photo Credit: Marleen Stuart, AP

…swimming bananas! Ha.

USA Today Article text appears after the jump.

 

ow!

I hurt my jaw eating salad and now I can’t eat my cookies.

I shoulda ate the cookies first. Damnit!

In other news, this is an actual prodcut and can be found here.

Note to all boys

and aspiring men:

Do not wear wicking type shirts (think Under Armour) outside of the gym or your favorite fitness activity. These types of shirts are not fashionable. You do not look cool. You DO look like you are trying to hard or are generally without a clue. This goes ESPECIALLY for those boys and aspiring men who do not have the muscle tone to even pretend they can pull off this look.

Thank you, your cooperation is appreciated.

V-day gifts

Ok, so it’s been a while since I have needed to give anyone other than my wifey (and BFF) a gift on Valentine’s day (and even that is usually a piece of candy and an evening of wine) but I have a few issues with the advice on MSN’s list of “10 Worst V-Day gifts…” list. On their list:

1. Roses and baby’s breath
Agree. I am not a fan of roses really and this is so cliché that it ends up coming across as trite and forced.

2. Box of assorted chocolates.
Agree. Same reason as above.

3. Jewelry in a ring-sized box (including earrings and pendants).
Disagree. Um. No. If you’re in a place where jewelry-giving is acceptable, give it! Do not hold back because she might expect a ring–just don’t give it to her on bended knee. Am I wrong here? Maybe I’ve just never been in a position to be asked for my hand, but I find this advice ridiculous. Bring on the bling!

4. Something overly (and cheesily) girlie.
Agree. Seems forced and likely to end up in a drawer or the trash.

5. A cute stuffed animal bearing a message of love
Agree. It’s just dumb. And nobody wants that shit.

6. Racey lingerie
Disagree. What? MSN says it’s more for him than her. No guy I’ve ever gone out with has liked lingerie more than I do. And I’d have to say most of my girlfriends feel the same way. It’s a trashy holiday anyway, why not trash it up some more with some hot underthings?

7. Anything that could be considered a small appliance
On the fence. Irons? No. Naughty appliances? Yes.

8. Cologne or perfume
Disagree. But it’s got to be her scent, or something equally special, not something random or something old like Elizabeth Taylor’s, Diamonds.

9. A tie (for him)
Agree. What, is he your dad?

10. A gift certificate
Agree. Why not just leave some cash on the nightstand?

Hello?

Open letter to my office “receptionist”:

Dear weirdo,

I am sending you a description of your job since there seems to be a lot (I mean A LOT) of confusion on this issue.

JOB DESCRIPTION:
re·cep·tion·ist [n]: An office worker employed chiefly to receive visitors and answer the telephone.

POINTS TO NOTE:
~It does not say hum melody-free tunes while eerily walking the halls at a speed of 0.0000015 miles an hour
~It does not say stare blankly at a ringing phone nor refuse to (gasp!) put someone on hold while more than one phone line is ringing
~It does not say spend countless minutes, hours away from your desk. It may not SPECIFICALLY state that your presence is required at your desk but the two (note ONLY TWO!) duties you are required to perform do in fact need to you be at your desk…you know, the one near the door and the main phone.
~It does say “worker”, meaning you have to work ie. answer the phone and the door

Please, please I beg you, take heed. I know we are a small office and that at times you may need to leave your assigned post. But the rest of us are EXTREMELY busy. I’ve tried giving you extra work thinking maybe you were bored and couldn’t stand it up there all by yourself, but you couldn’t handle my ~crazy~ filing system, the alphabet. So I implore you, just answer the damn phone. Buzz people in when they ring the bell. Please, for the love of God before I go insane!!

Sincerely,
Your co-worker (that is one who works with another; a fellow worker…you know if you actually worked).

I wish

I know someone who puts a great deal of pressure on herself. I mean a lot of us do that, but it’s just that she gets a good amount of pressure from others as well and it just ends up as these humongous weights she keeps on her shoulders. She’s not perfect, but she’s damn awesome. I think that’s a large part of why she gets an extra dose of pressure from the people who surround her–her awesomeness. They see someone who is great and they kinda want to mold that person to be what they see as “greater”. I am not saying that it’s wrong or right, it just is. (And I think that this is something that happens a lot to some really fantastic people.) I wish that she could step back and see all of this like I can. She really is a positive, moving force in my life and from what I can see, in other’s lives as well. I put this out here, instead in of a little note to her, because she can be quite sensitive and I don’t want her to dismiss it as “friend talk” or what have you. So, I hope that she gets to see this (and keeps reading once she figures out it’s her). If you are here girlfriend, I love ya. You are great.

Edit:
I am thinking this might seem lame and maybe I should just write her a little note. I mean, who doesn’t love to get notes? But, damnit I don’t know anymore (not that I ever did) and I might just write her that little note, but this post is staying here in the meantime.

Note to self

Dearest BabyBanana,

Do not go out for happy hour and drink vodka sodas if you actually intend on going home to watch the game. Otherwise, you’ll just end up asleep on your couch sometime around halftime with a half-eaten bag of pretzels on your chest. If you feel like drinking the night of the game, start at home and stay there (remember, you have PLENTY of vodka at home) or if you are feeling social, head to the sports bar–just be sure to continue your drinking throughout all four quarters.

Go Team!

Your friend,
Marci (aka you)

Someone is tryin’ to help you all out…

Now, if my presence isn’t incentive enough, the people at Sak’s 5th Avenue are helping you out. I like handbags, clothes, shoes, make-up, electronics, perfume…..

Spend $ome, get $ome — Today (my birthday) Only!